honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
