she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
