a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
