My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
