sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
