Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
