people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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