Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can I color on your dick again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
