i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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