okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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