Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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