But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize