The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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