She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
