I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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