Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
