Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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