i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
