We won't sleep together?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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