apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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