I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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