Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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