Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
