I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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