Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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