I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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