he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
