I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
