angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How naked do you want me to be?
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