Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
