i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
