if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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