He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
