they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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