quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
