i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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