My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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