How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
