community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
