Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
