He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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