Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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