organizing the empties. That sober.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.