There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
