I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
