why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
