Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
