So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize