Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
