Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
