woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
