Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
