So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
