Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
