I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
