If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
