Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
