The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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