proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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