I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
