i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i drank out of a bidet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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