Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
