its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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