But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
